I have never played a Persona game, but after I became invested in the Danganronpa series I had many people recommend I check the series out. And then I didn't because damn do I have a game backlog to work through. When Persona 5 came out earlier this year, the majority of my social circle played it and raved continuously about how much they loved it. They've continued to talk about how great it is, and with it being up for Game of the Year I can't resist any longer. A wonderful friend has let me borrow her copy of the game so I can see what all the hype is about.

Since I am late to this party and have never played a Persona game before, I thought it would be fun to share my thoughts and reactions to the game as I progress through it (since I can't stream it either, thanks Atlus*). What follows is a summary of what I've thought of various stages of the game. Warning that there may be light spoilers, though I will try to keep it as spoiler-free as possible.

*I know you can stream it up to a certain point but not being able to finish what I start is something I just can't bring myself to do.

The Beginning:

• Wow these controls feel clunky. My character moves too quickly for the space he's in. Precision in movement is impossible.
• I seem to be an arrogant petty thief. I want this to make sense later but right now I think I'm an asshole. Not exactly winning me over.
• Oh good I got what I deserve but also this seems like an overkill reaction to a dude stealing a briefcase's worth of stuff from a casino.
• Alright something else is going on here because that list of charges against me is ridiculous. This some bullshit.
• Hey lawyer-lady you just acknowledged I have been beaten and drugged can you calm down with your questions.
• Of course we're pulling a Tarantino and going back some period of time to see how I ended up here. Starting our cliche game off strong here.
• Animation is all over the place. We've got straight up anime cut scenes, then in game cut scenes that are also inconsistent. Some are smooth, some are just as clunky as when I'm controlling the character.

4/9:

• Well that flashback was messed up. It is now my personal mission to find that jerk and cover his floor with LEGOs and steal all of his shoes.
• Jesus I'm lost. Physically, on the map. Not emotionally. Although I'm sure that's not far behind.
• How am I still lost?
• God damnit I was in the right spot but because of the imprecise controls I wasn't in the right hit box to click on the door.
• How did this dude get roped into letting me live with him? Does he owe my parents money or something? Also eff this guy for knowing exactly what happened in that flashback and deciding that I deserved it. I don't like you either. You will also find LEGOs on your floor with no shoes to protect your feet.
• Man my room is huge. This will be awesome as soon as I clean it.
• Let me clean my room more.
• Why won't you let me clean my room?! Fine I'll go to bed.
• In case the initial flashback wasn't good enough I am now playing the scene. Just to drive the point home.
• Okay wait. I got arrested in said flashback, and now I'm in jail. But this jail is not from being arrested it's a dream jail from me sleeping. That...probably should have been clearer. Maybe don't do those things next to each other. And maybe that was the point but it just felt weird and I spent more time going "wait what" than paying attention to creepy 'I don't move my mouth when I talk' dude who has two little girls working for him like that's not weird.

4/10:

• Thank goodness I woke up because that went nowhere.
• Oh yay my new teachers are already super prejudiced against me. Which granted I sort of get based on the minimal information it sounds like they have. But still. Also I don't know why but I already don't like this volleyball coach guy. He's...off.
• Whoa subway dude what was that.
• Oh a diary? Cool. Yes sir I will write in it.
• How do I write in it? Maybe I have to clear the desk.
• I can't clear the desk. Maybe the table?
• HOW DO I WRITE IN THE DIARY?
• He made it very clear I'm supposed to do this I don't want to go to bed until I figure out how to do this.
• I am going to throw this game out the window.
• WHY WAS IT NOT MADE CLEARER THAT HIM GIVING YOU THE DIARY WAS JUST SAVING BECOMING AVAILABLE.

4/11:

• I personally don't know how I feel about curry for breakfast, but if this cranky dude is going to offer any semblance of kindness I'm going to jump all over it.
• Jesus Christ how do I get to the other train line. I can't read any of these signs. This seems to be an oversight.
• This girl reminds me of Junko Enoshima from Danganronpa and that makes me uncomfortable.
• Volleyball Teacher is back and with the facial expression of not-Junko I am now a firm believer he is absolutely an ass and I can't wait to find out how.
• "Vulgar Boy" reminds me of Sun from RWBY. Loud, blonde, and probably trouble, but also oddly endearing and I think I like him.
• Ah yes the old "hallucinate that your school is an evil creepy castle" bit. Of course. I'm sure we'll be captured immedi--oh yeah there we go off to the dungeon.
• Still not sure what's up with Volleyball Teacher but him being king here does not surprise me.
• IS HE NAKED? I THINK HE IS NAKED.
• Okay not naked but very mostly so and I'm very uncomfortable. Also he needs to tone it down on the evil. Bring that 10 down to a 6.
• I...what? I'm somehow not going to question where a lot of this came from but why in god's name was my first reaction to this mask showing up on my face in a pretty permanent fashion to VIOLENTLY RIP IT OFF.
• This game is not good for explorer people like me who are used to games that hide stuff in nooks and crannies. There is nothing here. I've seen enough to know nothing is here. Is that stopping me from going out of my way to attempt to investigate every crate, barrel, and cell? Nope.
• I have a talking cat that isn't a cat but is totally a cat. I'm waiting for my Sailor Moon style transformation now thank you.
• The fact that Volleyball Teacher recognizes me despite not having met him outside of nightmare-castle concerns me. Maybe it's from offering me a ride but I kind of doubt it.
• God damnit Igor please start making sense.

This is far from the end of even my first play session of the game, but damn this is starting to get long. Obviously there's a lot happening at the beginning of this story, so there's a lot of thoughts and reactions to have. You can expect another one of these soon with the next back of "wtf" thoughts! <3

Building a community is the hot new thing on the internet. Or rather, talking about building and having a community. Okay it's not really new, but the concept has seen a huge surge in the last two years and has been pushed as a forefront issue in a lot of internet spaces. It "drives engagement" and brings a lot of other buzzwords with it that companies see as valuable to add to their portfolio. There's this weird thing, though, where a number of companies don't seem to actually understand what a community is. They think they do, they say they do, but all evidence points to the contrary. They don't seem to understand the difference between having fans and having a community.

It is driving me $^&*ing bonkers.

You have a group of people who love what you put out. They tell you you're great. They buy your merch. They watch your content. They consume your product. You appreciate what they do for you and that they support your existence. You create more things because of them, which they in turn also love. They tell their friends. The cycle continues.

Congrats, you have fans.

Now go back to that paragraph. That cycle does its thing. But it's a little different. You don't just appreciate what they do for you, you make that appreciation an active part of what you do. You communicate and interact with them. Not in a superficial head-nod sort of way but an actual interaction where you're more a person than a concept. Their responses to you shape at least some of what you do. You foster connections with them and with each other. You take an active role in how they consume your product in a way that is deeper than where you choose to put it. Your fans come together in a way that if you were to drop off the face of the planet right this very second they would all still continue to gather for a while.

Congrats, you have a community.

It's great to have fans. You need fans to keep doing your thing, and creating something that brings a fan-base into existence is no small feat. You don't need to have a community, and keeping the relationship with the people who support your endeavors one-sided is a perfectly fine strategy. It gives you some freedom and flexibility to make business decisions that could be to the detriment of a community and require more effort from you. A fan-base is a constant stream of flux. People, especially those who dwell online, are fickle and can decide at the drop of a hat that they don't like what you're doing anymore and go on their merry way, ceasing to be a fan. But just as easily a new person can suddenly join the ranks. When your bottom line is numbers, who is behind them is of little consequence.

Fans look to you as their common factor and don't have a group identity beyond "people who like your thing".

A community is a two-way street. They have a relationship with you, but you also have a relationship with them. That relationship doesn't have to be individual (meaning you don't have to have a personal relationship with each and every member of a community), but it is the difference between hearing someone and listening to them. Calling a group a community doesn't make it so, and it requires an active effort on the part of whoever is the focus of that fan base to take it to the state of being a community, creating a group where the group itself becomes the focus and can function without the original focus for periods of time. The bottom line is no longer just the numbers; who is behind them is now a part of your equation.

It also requires an active effort to keep it in that state.

A community is not a "set it and forget it" thing. It's a living thing. It requires care and relatively constant input. A strong community can be self-sufficient for stretches of time, but it will deteriorate overtime without intervention. The fractures from that are hard to repair. Think of it like a GPA; it is a LOT easier to keep it in a good range than it is to try to recover from a bad mark. The nice thing about a community is it fosters friendships that will persist beyond you, and even if you disappear or your community reverts back to being a fan-base there are parts of it that will remain friends and continue their relationships without the need for you to be a factor.

There is nothing wrong with having a fan-base over having a community. A community is a lot of work and is harder to maintain as it grows. If that's not where you want to focus your energy, that's perfectly acceptable. If you have a community and let it slide back towards being a fan-base, that's okay too. You have to realize, though, that those who were deeply embedded in that community are going to see that shift. If you continue to sit there and talk about your "community" and how much you appreciate it you'd best be prepared for some salt. It's like you broke up with them in secret, privately ignoring them but publicly telling everyone how wonderful they are. You're telling your "community" that you value them without actually doing anything to back it up. And they know it. They know. And now they're insulted because you're acting like they're too stupid to know. So now they're really mad, and the people who should be your allies in bringing in new fans or helping to rebuild a community after you slide backwards are going to do the opposite.

Why do I say this? Because I've worked with a number of communities and have seen too many entities that doesn't seem able (or maybe it's that they aren't willing) to discern the difference between having fans and having a community and are damaging what they have without realizing it. Or without caring that they're doing it. It's hard to tell sometimes. Anyone who has been a fan for a while can tell when you're no longer community-centric. If you're carrying yourself and making business decisions in a way that moves you towards having fans versus having a community that's fine, but you have to own up to that being what you're doing. And if you're not sure? Your community will tell you, you just have to listen.

In conclusion, here's some puppies.

We're now at a little over two months of regular gym visits paired with diet tracking and modification. Let's start with the good news!

I've slimmed down all around, including through my face and arms which is where I suddenly became conscious of my weight gain. Woohoo! Clothes are fitting more like they used to and I'm not shying away from my tank tops as much (which are kind of a major wardrobe staple with the whole living in Texas thing). Some things are still tighter than I would like, but nothing is prohibitive anymore. I've also very measurably gotten stronger. Nearly all of the weights I use in my routine are doubled from where I started, and I've progressed to the point where I now add a HIIT routine to the end of each weight circuit.

Now the bad news!

The scale still hasn't actually moved. I don't mean just my weight, but my fat percentage too. My trainer and I are baffled because obviously there is visible progress, but the numbers are being more stubborn than a donkey. We've been consistently trying to tweak my diet to encourage the scale to show movement, but so far no dice. I am now on a high protein plan with a refeed day (which is different than a cheat day!) in the middle. Hopefully this will start a new round of progress, and actual scale movement will mean more rapid visible progress.

How are you guys doing with your fitness goals?

For someone with social anxiety, I sure do put myself in a lot of situations where I need to talk to people. Every conversation is a constant struggle to maintain coherent thought while a voice in the back of my head screams nonsense and "just go hide!" I manage just fine (most people are surprised to learn this about me!), but I am well aware of my tendency to just...stop talking when a conversation doesn't go the direction I expect. It takes me a while to find the words I want, and the anxiety of "don't you dare say the wrong thing" makes that incredibly difficult. I imagine it's why I do so much better in scientific settings, where I constantly have facts and the like to draw on. In a creative setting? I can only be so prepared for what is going to be said.

To that end, I've often thought about taking an improv class. There are many schools of thought for improv, and different ways people expect to be able to apply it. For me I've wanted to learn more about how to make just rolling with a conversation more reflexive and natural. The idea of taking such a class has been frightening though, for the exact same reason I've wanted to take it. I've sat on the idea for well over a year, and finally worked up the courage to sign up for one. That's right, I'm finally taking an improv class!

For the next several weeks my Wednesdays will be spent with 10 people I've only just met, learning about the foundations of improv and trying to put it into practice. I've already had one such session, and it quickly went from being terrifying to being, dare I say, fun? It's already clear there are certain people in the class I click with better for doing scenes, but it's amazing how quickly we came to support each other. It really is truly a judgment-free environment, and even the instructor has already been magnificent about telling you how to improve without it sounding remotely like there's any criticism about what you just did.

I'm still nervous for what the next few weeks will bring, but much less-so than I was. I don't expect any miracles to come out of this, but I do look forward to the progress and confidence I will gain from the experience. Who knows? Maybe I'll enjoy it so much I'll continue to pursue training!

When was the last time you took the leap to do something you were scared to do?

If you aren't familiar with it, Extra Life is an event where gamers all over the world come together to raise money for Children's Miracle Network hospitals. The official Game Day, a 24 hour gaming marathon, was this weekend, however many individuals and teams are still pushing their fundraising efforts through the next several weeks to help make some magic happen for kids who need access to medical care and hospitals that desperately need better equipment or funding to support community programs.

In 2014 and 2015 I donated my time to the cause, but had to take a break last year due to my surgery. I'm back at it again this year and hope to meet the $1000 mark in the name of Sparrow Children's Hospital in Lansing, MI. I was unable to stream on Game Day itself, but am dedicating several streams over the next couple of weeks to Extra Life. I have some prizes I am raffling off to people who donate to my campaign including game codes, art, and collectibles, which I will draw for either once we hit the goal or at the end of the month, whichever happens later. You can check my Twitch channel for the current schedule of Extra Life streams that I have scheduled, and you can click the link below to donate and read more about how Extra Life benefits kids!